Good-bye, Facebook

Today, I thought “I should post that on my status.”
And then I realized that I had no Facebook.

I’ve decided to temporarily (or maybe permanently) remove myself from Facebook for so many reasons, and so far it has proved to be very rewarding. In the season of life that I’m at and the road the Lord has me walking on, it just seems like the best idea. Maybe I’ll harp on it later, or maybe I won’t, but for now- just know that I’m trying my hardest to live faithfully in the monotony of schoolwork and the fast pace of wedding planning.

Rather than scrolling down the Newsfeed, I’ve been able to fill my brain and my soul with uplifting things- and I’ve found so much hope in the daily posts at {in}courage. For the female soul, this blog really is an honest voice- sometimes from the broken and defeated, but always hopeful and encouraging. Today I found so much hope in a post about faithfulness (even when you’re only being faithful to a laundry pile or a homework assignment). I highly encourage a look at it:

http://www.incourage.me/2012/02/faithfulness-vs-prominence.html

The Beauty of Reflection

Have you ever had so many different thoughts or circumstances to process that you just wanted to store them in a little pretty box, waiting for a rainy day when you might crack the lid open and ponder the thoughts over a cup of peach tea? That’s how I often feel. Very often. I encounter sweet children at school who are misunderstood, pushed to the corner, and just need someone to hold their hand as we walk down the hallway. I read big truths from God’s Word that take days to sink through the hard layers of my learning heart. A conversation with a stranger becomes intentional, and I want to think about the things I’ve learned. A friendship is lost over hurt feelings, and I shove my feelings into a corner so as not to feel the hurt again. Another week of singleness flies fleetingly by as I daily make plans for a wedding and a marriage. I want to reflect, but so many other things pull for my attention. So I place them in my little pretty box, waiting for a rainy day to encounter them once more. To think about what exactly to do with each of them.

But maybe life is best learned when you carry those thoughts with you in a locket around your neck, just waiting to be brought to the light in a moment’s notice. I’ve always loved lockets; they hold such a value of timeless sentiment and special love. When you wear a locket, whatever’s inside lies close to your heart- literally- and only you know that it’s there. You can take it out in a moment of need or a moment of boredom, and what’s inside is either a call to reflect, react, or retry. Rather than pushing the events of life to the side, storing them in a pretty box and forgetting the impact it had on the person you were 2 minutes after it happened, the locket would serve as a sweet reminder to make the most out of every single opportunity.

With every pain comes a lesson. With every joy comes a feeling of blessing. With every love comes a conviction, and with every conviction comes a change. But none of these things would happen if we didn’t reflect and ponder how the Lord placed every situation into our lives for a specific reason, and He delights to teach us new things with the dawn of each new day. He is not a God of clutter or forgetfulness; He is a God who remembers and finds beautiful things in the dust of any situation.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” -Psalm 116:7

No matter how painful or joyful or fleeting or enduring your life has been, the Lord has something good to teach you- and He will speak when we are still, holding fastly to our lockets as we learn daily from the truths that He’s hidden inside.

“The Test”

I’ve never been one to get into politics, and I really am pretty oblivious to everything going on in the world, but seeing news like this really hits home for me. For any of you who may be reading this blog and care about education, this is likely to pick a lot of people’s brains. My classmates and I gripe and complain all the time about the practical effects that NCLB have had on classroom instruction & atmosphere… but what happens when that accountability is suddenly slipped out from underneath us and we quickly get what we want? I’m afraid that too little structure could be detrimental for all of us.

As a future teacher, I want my students to enjoy learning in a way that does not stress them out and make them fear “The Test,” but I know that many teachers are out there in the classroom because they need a job and they like being in control. I mean really- it’s easy to fall into that when you have 20-something little minions staring at you and obeying your every command. And learning becomes a burdensome, secondhand task. So maybe some kind of accountability is needed, but not the kind that stresses out even the teacher with the best intentions. And maybe we should start taking the politics out of the matter so that we can really think about the effects it has on education. But who am I to talk- I really don’t know much about politics and how they work? I’m just a little ol college student, with 1 million dreams/plans about how I’d love to run a classroom and love on my students, but those are all really just theories right now. I’m living my future through what I read in a textbook. For now, I’ll keep reading up on all this educational politics stuff and hope that it’ll benefit me later!

On another note, I was surprised to find out that KY was the first to appeal to the President for a waiver on testing & accountability. Represent.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/09/no-child-left-behind-waivers_n_1264872.html?view=print&comm_ref=false

Simplicity with a side of Joy

You know how I just posted yesterday about power walking? And how slow it was? And how bored I got? Well, today I am sore. Very sore. And so I sit on my bed, sprawled out and sore, working on my online class by researching ESL blogs and listening to podcasts out the wazoo. I couldn’t love my academic career more, really. It’s tough and very time-consuming, but you know you picked your major right when you love doing the homework.

(don’t quote me on that, because I very often do not enjoy the homework.)

I found this video while perusing a blog that provides ideas/activities for teaching ESL through music- and I was so impressed/entertained/dying to be a part of something like that:

http://play.dipdive.com/i/76361

I am daily learning that, if I will only slow down and quiet my heart, the Lord will speak marvelous wonders to me about His grace and provision. He provides joy in the mundane daily tasks. He provides love in the moments of failure. He provides grace for the girl who can’t do it all on her own but still tries so very hard to. I’m learning, slowly, and He is speaking, profoundly.

Simplicity of grace

Sometimes I just try so hard to be something. I try hard to be a good person, a good teacher, a good leader, a good friend, in good shape, and to have a good appearance. Trying hard is exhausting.

This morning, I shoved on my running shoes and attempted to increase my heart rate for the first time since before foot surgery. With everything inside of me, I wanted to sprint off into the distance at breakneck speed. 7 weeks of pent-up energy was scratching at the cage, roaring to be released! But alas, my swollen feet could only handle a few milliseconds of jogging… so I slowed my pace and resorted to a strange-looking power walk. Strange memories of high school Health class, power walking in place, came to mind. Then the frustrations came.

“I just want to run!” “This is such a slow pace.” “I’m bored.” “My feet hurt.”

But as my muscles grew tighter and my scars brought reminders of the reason I wasn’t running, I began to understand the concept of patience… and God’s way of teaching me to rely on Him.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27:14

As I power walked, I began to notice things about that road which I had never noticed before. For the fast-paced runner, the scenery is rather “eh.” Semi trucks, truck stops, gas stations, and chain-link fences. But when the runner slows down to a walk, she begins to notice things beyond the surface- things like squirrels climbing trees in the middle of the winter and the precious old lady who lives across the apartment complex. Simplicity.

In my pursuit of understanding grace, I’ve found the simplicity in letting God catch the falling and failing things. If it slips through my fingers, He reaches towards it and lifts it back up to me. And sometimes He even places something that I didn’t even know I wanted right into the palm of my hand.

Grace for the Wretch

I’ve read the Bible, read all kinds of books, and sang all kinds of songs, but after 12 years of following Christ I am just now realizing that I have no clue what God’s grace actually means. Quite honestly, I sang “Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me” with a bit of confusion… or maybe I just brushed it under the rug by reminding myself of the familiar phrase “we’re saved by grace.” I’m not really sure. And don’t even get me started on “Amazing Grace”- my hard heart sang the song just because it sounded good, but it seemed to be just a song for people who got it horribly wrong for the first 25 years of their life then suddenly came to Jesus after a dramatic encounter with Him. Apparently “a wretch like me” who was saved by amazing grace was not a description of a wretch like me.

I’ve been through the valley of questioning my faith, and I came out of the valley with an assurance that Christ has a hold on my heart forever. But now that my faith has been refined, He is testing my heart and prodding me to let go of a life of trying to live without His grace.

The breaking and healing process cultivates a fragile heart. As I learn that I live and breathe by God’s grace, my heart is weakened when I face the first testing moment. Without my mask of strength and I-can-do-it-by-myself, I feel inadequate. I feel like I am not enough. Not enough to represent Christ to a sweet but unbelieving friend. Not enough to finish my schoolwork with excellence. Not enough to be a good encourager for my hardworking fiance. Not enough to train up a group of young girls in the way they should go. I am not enough.

But that is exactly the point.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” -2 Cor. 9:8

In Christ, I have all that I need to share Christ with my sweet friend. In Christ, I have all that I need to finish my schoolwork with excellence. Christ will give me all that I need to encourage my fiance in abundance. And He certainly is enough and will equip me with enough to be able to minister to my girls.

“For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Cor. 12:10

My heart is still fragile and humble and weak, but isn’t that the best place to be in order to find His strength?

A pep talk for my last semester

School starts tomorrow, and I’m sitting here attempting to read each 25-page syllabus/do the readings (who gives homework before classes even begin?!?!), but all I’ve accomplished is making a pitcher of passion tea and breaking my heart to the sound of Boyce Avenue (just listen- http://youtu.be/GhFSgnvKqm4). Oh well. It is still break, after all.

College has been full of transitions- both smooth and abrupt- and it seems that college students just learn to brace themselves for every jerk of the ride. New friendships blossom at the beginning of every semester, often wilting as soon as someone transfers, graduates, or just plain gives up on school altogether. New dorm rooms and new professors at the start of each year. New freshman to make you realize how old you have gotten (and I couldn’t have possibly looked that small and immature when I was a freshman?!…). New classes at the beginning of every semester allow us to pick our new favorite seat and get a new reputation with the professor and the class. You decide your social fate on the very first day of class- if you are talkative and introduce yourself to those around you, you may make new friends to share notes/beg for help/complain about the class with… but if you keep to yourself on the first day, staring at the syllabus on your desk until the professor waltzes in to explain it, you probably will go in & out from class every day without even learning the name of the person next to you. The first day of class is always a new beginning. They are broken up by so many breaks and long car rides up & down I-65 and rolling suitcases and stuff you can pack easily that suddenly… everything begins to seem so temporary. So. Many. Transitions.

The big transitions are coming up for me in just 4 months. I’ll be leaving my apartment in Bowling Green which I share with 2 other girls, moving back to Louisville, living with a boy, living in Louisville, leaving my church, leaving WKU, student teaching in JCPS, then getting a big girl teaching job (Lord willing, in January!). Oh my goodness. Suddenly, I want to cherish that 8:00 a.m. class that I have tomorrow morning and the little apartment that I share with my sweet friends. I want to appreciate and find joy in the wedding planning process, and I want to enjoy being engaged until the day that we are married. I want to cherish the time I have left at my precious church, because I’m going to miss it so much when I leave. The last 4 years have been full of so many temporary things that I’ve dismissed with wishful “If only time could move faster”s and “I can’t wait”s. Rather than complaining, I’m praying that the Lord humbles me to realize that my season of singleness is a rare gem that I won’t get back come May 19. How will He use me until then?

I am so thrilled to find out how He’ll use me as a married woman, but until then… I pray that He’ll use me to His maximum potential in the time I have left as a single one.

In the meantime, I’m using this short amount of time I’ve got left before I get married to learn how to cook- I keep saying I’ll do it, but I’ve put it off. I took a Gourmet Foods class last year, which was a start, but I really am terrible at making food. So go to my “Operation Domestication” page (thank you for appreciating my creative title) to watch the process- I really hope it works out :) ha.

4 months. I’m ready now. Thank you for reading my mental pep talk to go read those syllabi and have a happy heart about it.